Much mentoring angst will be alleviated if mentors understand that they will be part of a learning partnership where two-way conversations yield growth for mentors, as well as protégés. In a diversity context, it takes a little longer to build a trusting relationship, but when both parties indicate that they are trustworthy and establish an honest relationship, we have seen incredible results. Conversations "get real"—as ProGroup calls it—around the delicate issues of race, gender, generations, religion, sexual orientation, and ethnicity. That's when the learning is rich and fascinating.
So the next time you see a request to "be a mentor," no matter where that may be, consider that everyone can be a mentor to someone, in a formal way or not, for a brief time, or even a lifetime, if a learning focus is truly understood and consistently practiced.
1. Study your protégé.
Try to learn where your protégé is coming from. Help this person to evaluate his or her circumstances. Ask good, open-ended questions, making certain that you are leaving judgment out. Then, listen between the lines and get a sense of the individual's emotional state, personality, and motivation.
2. Balance support with challenge.
Become a "voice of reason" as you provide realistic challenges to your protégé's thinking or recollections of experiences. Use rigorous questions and conversations that are appropriate to the individual's level of readiness and confidence. If you use examples, let your protégé know the background and rationale behind them.
3. Accept that "I don't know" is okay.
Be willing to show your vulnerability in ways that will not minimize your credibility. You do not need to know all the answers. Try "I don't know," followed by, "Let's think about that for a minute." Let your protégé know that you are willing to problem-solve, too.
4. Learn to use silence.
Learn to live with silence in order to listen better and allow for productive thinking. Your well-placed pauses contribute to your ability to learn. Listen and watch for nonverbal cues, circular reasoning, or rambling, which can indicate that what is verbalized may not be what is really going on. Let your protégé know if you are confused or need more conversation and clarification. Sometimes, it's what is not said that's important.
5. Stay tuned for cross-cultural factors.
Watch for "sandpaper moments" when your perspective is different from your protégé's. It could be the result of a cultural or gender difference. Become comfortable talking about these moments. Ask about a cultural perspective in a respectful way and be willing to dive into conversations in what may be unfamiliar territory by adopting an inquiry mode.
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