Last week I observed a car crash. It was a minor event involving three cars. An old blue Honda banged into a red Saturn, which smashed into a black Toyota stopped for a red light. Because this occurred in the middle of rush hour, three cars blocking one lane compounded the stress commuters around the scene were already feeling. As I watched the drama unfold I was fascinated by how the drivers, each of them from a different culture, interacted to resolve the situation.

The Honda driver, who started it all, was very animated. With hands waving, he insisted that everything was the result of the cars ahead of him stopping suddenly. The woman driver of the Saturn checked her car for damages and, while looking very uncertain, shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "Not too bad." I suspected that language might have been a challenge for her. The Toyota driver, who was a bit shocked at the situation, wasn't listening to either of them. She was trying to find help on her cell phone while attempting to get insurance information from the others. The cars traveling nearby ignored the situation and tried to get around them any way they could.

I didn't stay long enough to see how this all got sorted out, but it did cause me to think about how different people handle conflict, especially across gender and culture.

The crash situation I just described resembles some of the cross-cultural workplace conflicts we see all the time. Conflict situations are hard for all of us. But when we add cultural differences to the constant traffic of heavy workloads, occasional roadblocks to deadlines, and the daily rush hours of our lives, "crashes" are inevitable. What happens when employees of different cultures react to a conflict situation from their own conflict style? How does it get resolved so that work is accomplished? More importantly, how does it get resolved so that long-term working relationships are not impacted, resulting in performance issues?

There are no easy answers to these questions. It does help, though, to understand the nature of culture and its impact on interactions. James Spradley, a professor of anthropology, defined culture this way: Culture is the acquired knowledge people use to interpret experience and generate behaviors. Keeping this definition in mind, it's easy to see the challenge during a cross-cultural conflict in which people have a difference of opinion, or take opposing views on an issue. Often the conflict escalates before it resolves. I've heard this referred to as the "conflict escalator," where interactions result in a step up or down depending on whether they worsen the situation or resolve it. It can be an interesting emotional ride.

In ProGroup's MentorPairs© Dialogue Guide we talk about various cultural values and norms around conflict. We know that some cultures value Harmony while others are comfortable with Confrontation. Some individuals will Avoid conflict to save face or prevent embarrassment. Living with an attorney-husband for 39 years, I know that some people love a good fight that results in a Win/Lose situation, but that doesn't work well with those who want Consensus so that everyone wins.

The key to resolving conflict is to recognize your conflict management style, which by the way is a learned preference as well as a cultural one. Then consider the other person's cultural style, especially when it comes to how willing he or she is to engage in resolution and what is at stake.

Whether you are in the midst of a small misunderstanding or a high-stakes disagreement, the ride down the conflict escalator begins with YOU. And, because there is so much diversity within cultures, it is good to think of all conflict as cross-cultural.

Ask yourself:

• Are you willing to commit time and energy to address all parties about the nature of the conflict and work to determine how they prefer to deal with it?
• Do you know your own cultural preferences and emotional hot buttons around conflict? For example, raised voices or lack of eye contact may cause you to feel disrespect, while others feel they are showing respect or simply seeking "truth."
• Are you aware of other cultural conflict styles, and willing to acknowledge and accommodate them respectfully in the spirit of resolution?
• Are you listening with an ear to understanding the emotional, as well as the cultural nuances that may be at play? Remember that not all cultures are comfortable expressing feelings in public.
• Are you open to other perspectives, even if it means things may heat up before they become neutral? For example, are you asking questions before making assumptions?